Sorry for the delay on this one, folks—I was out on a coke bender til 7 this morning and my team of interns forgot to set my alarm, how embarrassing! Fortunately the Duane Reade deliveryman woke me up just now. Without further ado, your updated △POWER RANKINGS△ for Reunion Pt. 2.
7. Sonja (-1)
Sonja’s major non-What Ever Happened to Baby Sonja? storyline this season was her love triangle with Rocco and Frenchie, so it’s not greeeat for her that half the cast openly believes that the latter was an actor she (okay Connor) hired solely for plot relevance/personal vanity. “We are real lovers” is also not the most convincing sentence I’ve ever heard uttered. But I don’t know…do you buy it, ladies?
6. Carole (-1)
Carole finally got to speak this time, but, as was the unfortunate case with Carole this year, didn’t say much of interest. I refuse to believe that anybody honestly cares about her relationship with Adam (including her and Adam) and the election business is simply too triggering, at least for yours truly, being as I am uhhm not a Nazi? That said, I did very much enjoy the resulting excuse from Tinsley that voting is just ~not her thing~, like, of course it’s not bless her heart. I know this irked some of the ladies, but c’mon, imagine Tinsley even attempting to fill out a voter registration form:
5. LuAnn (+2)
LuAnn was still getting a little roughed up as the reunion started, as is the producers’ directive for the remaining hours of S9 (catch her special Barbara Walters sitdown with Andy in two weeks btw xoxo). But she escaped with only a few scratches—well, okay, the reminder of Missygate and exposé of Tom’s shitty apartment were pretty bad—and returned to her safe space of letting out the occasional patronizing LuAnn Cackle at someone else’s misfortune for the remainder of the hour. My highlight: her absurd, embarrassing, beautiful, and truly classic LuAnn move of trying to drop “so if I heard something you’d wanna know…?” on someone else (Carole, no less, just to give us some added throwback feud flavor).
4. Ramona (-1)
A lowkey performance, unfortch. Her few forays into OKAY BETHENNY BUT were rebuffed, and she reacted gracefully to it alas. Look forward to learning next week what veterinary painkiller scripts she found on the black market.
3. Dorinda (-1)
Not much here, other than aiding and abetting the Frenchie rumors. Her asking why Tins let herself be abused was, uh, an uncharacteristic gaffe, but I doubt many people noticed or cared very much.
2. Tinsley (+2)
Perhaps this is controversial, but I really think Tinsley’s doing exceptionally well for a RHONY reunion newbie. She’s playing perfectly into her wheelhouse of Daffy Ingenue (she is actually 42 years old and completely insane but that’s neither here nor there) and somehow charming and disarming the other women for the most part. Kodus especially for her tackling of the addiction issue, which has been a quagmire for many a housewife past, with a combo of admirable honesty and adorable delusion (I mean…arguing that morning drinking is okay if you’re overseas YES SAME GIRL).
1. Bethenny (NC)
Bethenny skeptic that I am, it pains me to do this again, but so be it. Granted I wasn’t really rapt by the vivid descriptions of her Jason Hoppy-inflicted trauma (I ALWAYS KNEW HE WAS TRASH) but it was definitely some of the more endearing Bethenny content we’ve gotten. In any event, her running into Donald Trump during a walk of shame was likely my favorite Bethenny anecdote of all time, and bless you show for finally pointing out that she fucking ghosts from every non-vacation conflict ever please can we pursue this further it annoys the shit out of me.
0. Jill (±∞)
Last night I dreamed that Jill was at the reunion and now I have to sage my apartment.