The best and worst moments from this week’s episode, in no particular order.
1. Vicki with her kids. I love any scene where Vicki is terrorizing Briana and Michael, but it’s especially amusing to me with the added ick-factor of trying to control their reproductive organs. It really is a miracle this has never ended in matricide.
2. David Beador’s pre-dinner snack. OC is doing these long, slow, comedic bits like last week with Tamra traversing Shannon’s hallway and I’m all for it. I loved the hypnotic sounds of David munching on those blue corn tortilla chips knowing how badly each crunch was riling Shannon up. Also, Shannon’s restaurant idea is a sure-fire money pit but I think she should shoot for the stars. I need to see what kind of organic, non-toxic, healthy restaurant she creates.
3. The Nobleman party. I know, I know. How things have changed from last week. But luckily there was very little emphasis on the magazine or being a gentleman, and 30 minutes into the episode we finally got some housewife interaction. As a bonus we also got to see Jim Edmonds flirting with Doug, in case you missed it. “My wife was just admiring how thick your magazine was.” Yeah, sure Jim, “your wife.”
4. Lydia. Girl truly is doing the lord’s work trying to get Vicki and Tamra to interact. She has really been driving all of the action this season.
We also got this delightful tidbit of Vicki delusion. Yes, you and Lydia are exactly the same. Really was giving me Kelly Killoren Bensimon vibes, too. I actually do believe you don’t like conflict, Vicki. You just want to act like a petty lunatic without ever being called on it.
1. Lydia. I know I just listed Lydia as a high, but that was solely for her work at the Nobleman party. The rest of her episode footage with the two cars for her birthday, helicopter rides, castration, etc. was nauseatingly boring. I really like Lydia, and I loved her facing off with Slade back in season 8, but she cannot carry this much material. She excels in a supporting housewife role with wayyyy less focus on her boring solo life.
2. Tamra’s domestic drama. Sidney cutting off Tamra isn’t a new revelation. Now that Tamra is pimping it out as her storyline, though, Sidney decided to clap back and it has become a juicy tabloid mess, even bringing some almost-forgotten bottom-dwellers back into the mix to be eviscerated by Tamra once more. Unfortunately, none of this is playing out on the show so it’s mostly just Tamra crying to Eddie, her mother, or large groups of divorcees. None of this is entertaining, and usually I’m down to watch Tamra do anything. I don’t know how I see this resolving this season, considering it’s still playing out in the present.
3. Meghan & Kelly. This season is struggling with segregation of the housewives, and these two are just so far removed from the rest of the cast. Meghan is busy being a mom and it’s painfully boring. Your husband can barely feign interest in you or your baby, why did you procreate?? Also, he’s gay. Now get off my screen. We also got a scene of Kelly’s marital dysfunction, of which the highlight was spotting glimpses of the furry muppets attached to her strange, shoulder-less sweater’s sleeves.
4. Tamra and Shannon. In reality, I understand how frustrating it must be for Vicki to continually deny them an apology unless she gets one in return. The housewives-verse does not operate in this reality where you do not interact with people who are horrible to you, though. You are contractually obligated to befriend and inevitably fall out with these women over and over and over again. It’s time they suck it up and switch over to destroying Vicki instead of ignoring her. She’s such an easy target now, too! She’s done the one thing people really seem to universally hate so just dunk on her 24/7 for being a lying, cancer-faking bitch. I’m ready.
Fingers crossed next week brings us some more highs related to these women interacting.