The Real Housewives of New York City – Reunion Pt. 1 Power Rankings

It’s time for America’s favorite blood sport! That’s right: another Housewives reunion is upon us. The first hour of the RHONY reunion pits Ramona against Bethenny, Dorinda against Sonja, and LuAnn against logic, common sense, and the Bravo network’s executive staff. Join us as we break down the winners, losers, and sneaky Nancy Drews of Reunion Pt. 1.

7. LuAnn

Uhhh see above image? Pissed off with the tabloid antics around Luann’s divorce, the editors declared open season. We got flashbacks to every single grimy Tom comment. We got the payoff to Ramona’s *season 8 reunion* tease about incriminating Tomformation. We got a general portrayal of the other Housewives as six Cassandras, culminating in this devastating exchange:

“If you found out that he had cheated on you, what would you do?”

“I would definitely…leave.”

“You would…?”

“Yeah.”

“You really would…?!?!”

“I would.”

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Yiiikes. Lu may have secured herself a season 10, but Andy’s gonna make damn sure she does her Walk of Shame first.

6. Sonja

An inability to learn from the past is the hallmark of Sonja Morgan, yet it’s always still so breathtaking, so special when she never fucking learns!!! Girl NOBODY believes that you’re not leaking to the tabloids like a damn sieve! Yet Lady Morgan persisted in playing dumb, because she thinks if she delivers info on background, then keeps real quiet about it, nobody will figure out it came from her. Sadly, this ain’t Jurassic Park and the Housewives aren’t T. Rexes. (Jill’s been gone for five seasons.) The other Sonja reunion “high”light was everyone’s barely concealed disdain at her claims of sobriety, so that’s the other major Sonja motif covered.

5. Carole

Basically invisible for this hour. And where was the opening caption *exposing* the recent end of her relationship with Adam, by the way?!?! I’m sure LuAnn has questions.

4. Tinsley

Also basically invisible, but this was a bigger achievement for Tinsley than for Carole because the veterans are usually out to devour the new girl immediately. It looks like her alcoholism gets called out next week, but as ever her trump card remains her usefulness for the other ladies as a cudgel against Sonja, because who doesn’t like bludgeoning Sonja to death now and then? (See 2.)

3. Ramona

The reunion cut to the chase immediately, with a segment that could (and should) be spun off into a quiz show titled “Name Ramona’s Pills!” Destroying Dorinda’s walls! Dragging unwitting Mexican concierges into indentured servitude! The severe pony! Ramona gamely let herself be batted around a bit because she knows from experience what to expect when you’re the season villain. Yet, as she has for nine seasons, and will for another ninety more, Ramona weaseled her way out pretty well with her classic combination of real apologies, fake apologies, and verbal culs-de-sac. As ever, kodus to her.

2. Dorinda

Screengrab of Dorinda interacting with Sonja at the reunion:

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It’s easy to forget, because Dorinda typically Makes It Nice, but when she sets out to destroy somebody they’ll inevitably be reduced to a few charred tibia fragments by the end. Dorinda used her time this week to efficiently conclude her iconic season-long dismantling of Sonja (from the Holland Tunnel to Papers for Fraud to Clip) and it was a beautiful thing. Sure, Sonja’s an easy target, but in these times of crisis we must be grateful for any and all Dorinda Medley rants about bad manners and disgraceful behavior.

1. Bethenny

I am no great fan of Bethenny Frankel, but it must be said that she glided through this hour. She got to resume her old role as D’Agostino marriage truther, she got to bitch Ramona out for her ~animal~ behavior one more time—hell, she even got to toss in some shade against Jill Fucking Zarin. What I appreciated above all, though, was her professionalism. Bethenny knows how to housewife, and it shows when she absolutely lights into her castmates, then smoothly pivots back into level-headed, even empathetic, commentary about them. It pains me to say it, but she’s a pro.

See you next week to determine who rises and falls in Part 2! (Spoiler: I uh somehow doubt Tinsley’s gonna remain this unscathed…)

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