Rather than detail the minutiae of a Real Housewives episode in recap format, I’ll be sticking to the best and worst, and thus most discussion-worthy moments from this week.
1. Archie working as Shannon’s butler while Tamra tottered down the longest hallway of all time. Perhaps the audio is really needed for this scene to have its full effect, but it was hilarious.
2. All the housewives filming together for the first time! Only took 1/3 of the season… Thank goodness Meghan had some insipid post-birth baby shower that nobody could beg off from.
3. Vicki! She was great this episode since we’ve finally gotten her away from the boring family solo footage and integrated her back into the group. Her refusing to acknowledge Shannon and Tamra at the party while also condemning them for doing the same was top-form Vicki. The way she equates them rightfully calling her out for her part in a cancer scam with her spreading unsubstantiated rumours about Eddie being gay and David being a domestic abuser is classic Vicki playing the victim, and I live for it. Her closing confessional gave me shivers, so I’m just going to quote it in its entirety:
Tamra knows I’m a great friend, I have a lot of fun with her. Shannon, too. And I want them to know that they can’t do this to people. They can’t be bullies and try to conquer and divide. I want to punish them for not being my friends.
This beautiful display of narcissistic delusion was masterfully edited cutting back and forth between Vicki and Kelly in the limo, and Tamra, Shannon, and Meghan chatting in her kitchen. This season has been pretty light on Vicki so far and I’m excited for her to get back into the fold and rain hellfire down on these ladies, even if I love them.
1. Steve. I know I’m asking the impossible, but couldn’t Vicki find another man with the screen presence and charisma of Brooks Ayers? I was gripped every single moment he appeared on my screen. For other Brooks fans, by the way, he just resurfaced in Indiana so alert your friends and family in the area to stay vigilant. Ok, what was I talking about? I got swept away by the Brooks charm. Oh, right. Any man dating Vicki Gunvalson in the day and age of Google is certifiably insane, so can we get to the crazy Steve revelation sooner rather than later?
2. Peggy: I don’t care for her. I think I’ve given her enough time to say that confidently. She is pretty devoid of personality, and they’re really pushing the Armenian thing which just isn’t particularly novel or interesting when we’re a decade into the Kardashian-verse. Owning fancy cars is also never enough to carry a housewife. Know your demographic: the women and gay men tuning into Bravo don’t care. Never go into your first season pitching The Reiko Model for your storyline. They were clearly aiming for a comedic edit with the prolonged segment on her mangling of idioms with Diko, but she just doesn’t have any of the charm required to pull that off. We’ve already had the perfect housewife who struggles with even more rudimentary English, and an icon like Alexis Bellino you are not, Pegs.
3. The Nobleman launch party Lydia is planning. I know I’m neither rich nor male, and thus not their target reader, but a party with a barbershop being its notable quirk sure sounds hellishly awful. Male marketing is ridiculous.
4. Next week’s preview. Look, I’m not one to pan a season when it takes a little while to heat up (see: RHONY S9), but it took us six episodes to get the entire cast into the same room. RHOC has an amazing record. There haven’t been any significant lulls since this show morphed into this monstrosity we know and love in season four. Maybe this is premature and there will be a big bash with all present next episode, but Bravo never holds off on pimping out the drama in their previews if it exists. These ladies are pros, they know what they are doing. They can’t refuse to film with each other forever. Force Vicki and Tamra together and watch those fireworks go off. I believe it will happen, just don’t keep me waiting much longer.
Share your highs and lows in the comment section. I need to know how many other Vicki stans are out there. Make yourselves known!